Lessons Learned Through Eyes Full of Tears: A Spiritual Reflection

There was a time, not very long ago; when I lived in an enchanted world. A world that was pure, devoid of hatred, depravity, and death… not that I didn’t know these things existed but that I was just a child so while these things were all around me, they seemed very far away because they had yet to touch me.

I am a CHD survivor, so fear, and pain were with me from day one, but they didn’t harm me emotionally or spiritually, because having been born into that world I simply accepted the way it worked; and one thing I learned very quickly was that: All Physical pain is temporary and all I needed to do was endure until it stopped… all rain eventually gives way to sun. This was what I told myself, in far more childish words, when I laid there in hospital, waiting for the next time I’d be poked or sedated… But I knew someone else who took this simple lesson much further…

I shared this world of mine with my dear friend Matthew… who was (medically speaking) a lot worse off than I was… yet he didn’t just endure and never break as I did, he barley even bent… I would often sink into an earthly, instinctual state in which I was not always so good to the doctors and nurses who were trying to help me. I rejected their help and went kicking and screaming so to speak, this is something that Matthew never did. He was always kind, always peaceful, and always smiling, despite everything that happened to him. There was this energy about him, to look into his blue-green eyes was to understand what Christ truly meant when he said: “Lest ye be as Little Children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (St. Matthew 18:3)

Here was a child who endured trials that would bring many grown men to tears, and yet he smiled. It’s been 10 long years since Matthew died at just seven years old. In that time I’ve come to understand that his resilience, courage, and joy came from the fact he was aware, as we all should be, of who he was in God’s eyes, a precious and beloved child. While his body may have been weak, he had a heart as strong as a lion and twice as big.

Matthew knew this, not through years of study, but by the purity of his soul and the presence of the Holy Ghost within him. Indeed Matthew’s short life on this earth offers us a glimpse of eternity and an example of what it means to live like Christ. He was never bitter, he never gave in to despair, he never took out on others the pain he had to endure, he never judged others for their mistakes, he merely touched their souls by his unconditional kindness, unshakable faith, unwavering courage, and boundless love… In Matthew’s life is fulfilled the words of St. Paul in his first letter to Timothy:

“Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.” (1Timothy 4:12-16)

Give rest O Christ to this your tiny servant, and for those who still grieve for him, as well as the children in your care who struggle as he did Have Mercy O Lord and grant them strength. All Honor and Glory is Yours Almighty and Everlasting Father, Incarnate Son, and Holy Ghost, now and forever, and unto the Ages of Ages. Amen.